Dating: Proof that the Universe Hates Me, Part 1

Those of you who know me realize that my dating history has been... well... comical. The saying, "That would ONLY happen to you" basically defines my life. A series of awkward events, train wreck, small world, and sick and twisted fate can also apply quite well. Really, take your pick. Over the years, I have started to always expect the unexpected. Sometimes, I think of the most awkward and far fetched situation that could ever occur while on a date. Shortly after, that becomes my reality.

With this history, New Year's Resolution #3- talk to people in bars- was bound to be a disaster. But, my life simply wouldn't be the same with out the weekly "ONLY YOU" comment from my friends. So, I have hit the ground running with this resolution, with a combined focus on #11- don't be a picky b.

Part 1, Who is this guy?
On the morning of January 1, as I was still in bed due to a 6am NYE bender, friend B and I received a call from a friend who wanted to set me up with one of his friends. Now, this timing was pretty essential to my decision. Normally, I would have copped out/made excuses, but since it was literally the first day of the new year, I agreed to have my number passed along to this guy. After my recent year of having a drunk date pass out on my couch, a date who convinced me to steal from a bar, another date who probably spoke 5 words (and thought it went well), and a date who used inappropriate sexual references to explain his investment job, I figured I could survive anything at this point.

I really enjoy the reason that my friend thought this guy would be perfect for me- "he drinks a lot and he's a teacher." Wow, people must think a lot of me. But hey, two of my passions, so it works. I heard from this guy, who I will call Mr. Kool, a few days later. He wanted to meet up over the weekend for drinks. Now people, I have a strict theory on weekend dates, and this theory has been proven time and time again. The theory is simple: don't do them. Ever. There are various reasons for this theory:

• you have no excuse to end the date
• you miss the opportunity to meet other people
• there are too many people around, judging you
• they're way more serious
• you might end up with a drunk guy on your couch

So, with that said, I declined the weekend date and we scheduled a nice mid-week drink date. Perfect.

Over the weekend, I continued my normal routine of going out. On Friday, I grabbed some early drinks with teacher friends, and this quickly turned into teacher friend Ms. Cablam and I staying at the bar after the mommy teachers went home. As we were talking, I was bumped by a guy in the bar. I gave Ms. Cablam a look that said "what the hell, man," and she motioned for me to turn around. Well, the guy was on crutches, and I felt like a complete a hole. He then turned to me and asked me to hold his drink while he adjusted his crutches. After I gave the drink back, the guy, who I will call Gimp for obvious reasons, opened with, "You girls are way too pretty to be standing here alone." HA.  His cheesy line turned into actual conversation, and after about 3 hours of talking with Gimp, I realized that this crutch strategy was clearly a ploy to pick up girls. Well done, Gimpy. Well done. As we were talking, Gimp's friend, who I will call Money, came and joined us. This was the perfect set-up, since Ms. Cablam was into Money, and I was into Gimp. A complete group of wingmen and wingwomen.

My conversation with Gimp was quite intriguing. Ironically enough, he ended up asking about new year's resolutions very early in the night. Uh oh. I cracked some joke about how I have 12, and that he really doesn't want to hear them, because he would definitely judge me as a person. This didn't deter him, and he persisted at finding out all 12 over the course of the next few hours. I came out guns blazing, starting with my bitterness of married people. (I like to scare guys away.) He argued that weddings are always fun to attend. I then said that I wanted to talk to people in bars. To that, he said, "you're welcome," followed by, "point to someone, anyone, and we'll go talk to them." I then shared my odd resolution of going to Vegas. He told me that he's going in a few weeks. I said I wanted to do a second half marathon. He told me about a half marathon that's paired with an obstacle course that's even more fun- he does it every year. At this point, I was thinking, "OK.... seriously Gimp, who are you, and who sent you here?!"

By the end of the night, Gimp had asked for my number. I gladly gave it to him, and was pleasantly surprised when he followed up with a text the next day.  Since Money and Ms. Cablam hit it off too (despite him being overly drunk and blowing her hair for some strange reason) this was an in for both of us.

Could it be that 2012 was off to a great start?? Well, please remember that this is only Part 1. But, for now, I can say.... met a decent guy in a bar. And he contacted me. That happened.

Please stay tuned for...
Part 2: Saturday Night, A Different Kind of Success

Part 3: Date Night, Expect the Unexpected